StePhaNie

2010-07-26T23:47:00.002+08:00

I know i have to be strong but sometime it's not easy. It always a struggle to me to be strong and happy. Nobody will understand the pain in me and how i felt. Now that i realised to change urself to fit into his is so difficult. I really duno when will it happen again becos i have no confident in myself anymore,I have been struggling within myself. I realised that something cannot be force if not you will be living in misery. I duno and i dun want to think about it anymore becos i have no more energy to think about it anymore, i felt drain and exhausted. I just need to learn to let go...

2010-07-12T20:50:00.002+08:00

Hai, i realised that whenever i start blogging it is always nothing good and yes this time there is no exception too, sometime bad happened to me again. But this time it is about friendship. I duno why i just can't seem to find a true friend of mine,ever since secondary my friendship is always an unpleasant experience, betraying, hatred, bastabbing etc... I duno is it something wrong with me that i deserved all this kind of treatment. I thought maybe because during that time we were still young and ignorant and during the tertiary level things will change for the better but i was wrong. For now, i thought i have finally found a true friend of mine but sad to say it doesn't seem to be the case already. I can say human feelings always changes. I duno what i did wrong this time that now she is treating me so cold. Her attitude towards me change dastically even since the start of sem. It been so awkard between us now and i duno what is the reason to it. Towards the other she is not how she treated me. We used to be close friend but now i am not sure about it anymore. She is not the one i used to know before. Things has changed. Once again i felt lonely, i just want a true friend!!!

2010-06-15T22:42:00.003+08:00

I dunno what wrong with me today but i suddenly felt tat i no longer have love for him anymore. I never felt like this before, But after i sort out my feeling and thoughts, i realised that it is not that i doesnt love him anymore rather i fear that he will leave me like before which hurts me so badly. I fear that it will happen once more on me and i scared i wont be able to take another blow. This is the reason why i dun dare to put my love and feelings into him. I restrict myself from loving him and not that i no longer love him. But for now, i wont not put my mind on love rather on other things like school work, friends and having fun, sports etc. I have to learn to let go of things that doesnt suit or belong to me and i am learning. I am also learning how to be independent as i know only I wont hurt myself. Relaying on someone is not the right way and it is unhealthy, therefore i have to learn to be more independent. We can't control fate but we can control how we going to live our life and emotions.

2010-06-13T22:09:00.003+08:00

My mind is in an confusion ever since tat day. I am trying very hard to change myself erm... actually it is not totally change myself but i can say is more of controlling my desires and emotions. But this becomes a fear instead of being happy of my changes. To him i duno whether is he really happy being with me or is he trying to suppress himself and his feelings. I will let him go but it is just a matter of time becos i know he is not as happy as he use to be. I will change for the better as people will keep improving but it is just the matter of time and i know it will be hard for him becos in between there will be a lot of hindrance and i dunno if he were able to take it as from the past expriences i can say the chance is very slim. If he really love me he can wait for me but i doubt. I have been trying hard to not love him and instead slowly turning him into a friend of mine becos i know one day he will leave me and i have to let him go. It is jus the matter of time that i will stop myself from loving him. Maybe this is the best for us.

2010-06-03T18:30:00.002+08:00

Today i am feeling much better compared to ydae. I realised that to change yourself is not to suppress ur own feeling and force yourself not to do it becos it will be so miserable and one day you will tend to break down. To change, i feel that we shld face the problem and not run/suppress it rather learn how to let go. It is more of a pyschological thing and determination with the support of ur love ones will help even more.Although it is not as easy as being said but i think most importantly is to be strong...

2010-06-03T01:29:00.004+08:00

Today i can say its the worse nightmare to me, i never feel this bad before. He really hurt my heart to the core which i never feel this way before. My heart is hurt and wounded and it will take time to heal back but i know it will one day. But after been through so much today i learn sth out of it today and i can say everyday i am learning. It time for me to let go of everything and be happy, i know it wont be easy but i will do my best. I have to learn to be stay happy and be alone. I promised that i will not bother him anymore, i will let go of him but it just the matter of time becos i know he doesnt love me anymore becos i hurt him so badly. All i can do now is to stay strong no matter what happen. I have to learn to grow up and not be a pamper kid anymore. I know i say a hundred millons of times that i will change but this time i learned my lesson. If i will to act the same mistake again i will never forgive myself. Learning to grow up in the sense of being mature is so damn hard but once u know u have really grown up and become mature, u will feel a sense of happiness in u. I heading toward this goals...

2010-06-02T15:39:00.002+08:00

I know this is the end of us already, but i dunno why i just can't accept the fact. It's all my fault for all this. I always give empty promises to him and i deserve to be treated back this way. I can't turn back time but i can amend it. I will give it a one last try. Now i must learn to be real independant and i know it is hard but i will. I am not going to pester him anymore, i will give him time too but i am not going to give up to be with him again. Time will prove everything. I just really dun understand why i can't change. I hate myself so much now and i am going to punish myself.

2010-05-23T21:39:00.003+08:00

Things are really getting bad to worse now, there is alot of problem happening between us and it seem to be a never ending issue. By the rate we are going now, i can say the tendency of breakup is almost near to a 100%. However, i really not wish to see this happening, cos i really love him. Both of us really need a break from now for ourself to think what we really want? As what he mentioned to me, he feel stress and tired of everyday being with me now due to lot of reasons which only both of us will understand. Thus, from now on, i will make myself valueable. I will upgrade my own living standard on myself. I am going to change things from now on!!

2010-05-11T21:33:00.002+08:00

After ydae counsel with my dear, it really hit my inner-self, i was cruel to know that but i am glad that now i know the real problem in me. However, i am still in a dilemma but i can say i am more aware of myself and what i wanted in life. Things will change for the better for now becos i am clear of my goals and i will change not to suit anyone but for myself to be happy...

2010-05-04T23:20:00.003+08:00

As per normal, we have some conflict again. I am really sick and tired of this feelings. Yup as expected, i have to change myself again for him. I really dunno how to communicate with him anymore as i am so scared that what i say will always be wrong and create a new scene of problem. I am trying my best to help him but maybe my approach was wrong. I felt that he had change to another person that i used to know,i dun really understand him now & this feeling is so scary. He seem to expecting too much from me which i feel pressurize, i just want to be myself that simple. But i know that i love him so i will not give up and try my best to change for better.

2010-05-03T23:01:00.005+08:00

I'm worried for my dear dear cos he recently seem to have dreams every night, which affects his sleep quality which result him in being tired all the time. The reason is most probably due to stress in term of work and because of me. I felt bad and disappointed of myself that i cause so much stress to him. I know it's due to my ignorant, childishness that cause him to feel that way. Sometime i wonder am i such an lousy person/girlfriend or something is wrong with my character and attitude towards love. Every moment from the very start we are tgt, i have been changing myself to suit the one he wants or maybe every guys wanted. I know that i get emotional easily which leads to lots of conflicts and almost even break up, being too stick to him that he had no time for his work, family & friends, i keep talking nonsense and jk ard with him abt i being with other guys and stuff too much that he doesn't like & felt irritated at times. I agree that i am at fault for all this acts which i never notice & knew until he let me realise it. I try so hard to change myself and i did change although sometime i tends to repeat the same mistake agn. But every moment i keep changing myself to be a better gf, i really feel very tired and tough for me. But on the other hand, i know i love him that i am willing to change for him. I am really scared and restless now cos i duno what will be the next problem in me that i have to change or whether i can really change. Sometimes, i really hope just to be myself and dun have to worry abt what is the correct character & behaviour. I always cried abt all this, that sometime i feel numb of my own feeling becos i am always encounting the same old feeling. I really love him alot that i am so scared to lose him. i dunno what to do...

2010-04-28T01:15:00.002+08:00

Having insomia again just can't get myself to zzz hai... Quite sick and tired of life nowadays or almost everytime. Life can't seem to be more exciting for me. Am i going to live my entire life like this, i really dunno. Now i can't see the rainbow in my life, my world is just like a negative film w/o any radient in it.

2010-04-22T15:37:00.002+08:00

Today slacking at home the whole day. The sky is dark, seem rain will be pouring down pretty soon. The sky seem to understand my feelings now. Nothing to do now so i decided to blog and let out all my feelings. I know he cannot provide me alot of things that i wanted but i am still happy to be with him, myabe this is what we called true love. However not to deny the fact that somtime i will feel abit of upset, i think most of the girls will feel that way too or maybe not, i dunno... I used to think in the past that i must find a weathy bf which every women dream for but now i dun think that way anymore. Happiness cannot be replace by money but money can bring happiness. As long as he can bring me happiness w/o money, i felt very contented already...

2010-04-20T21:42:00.003+08:00

It seem ages since i last logged into my blog, school has started and tis will be the last year of my poly life. Time really do flies and pretty soon i will be planning for my future. My life seems to be quite confused in the way that i can't really make up my mind of what i wanted in life. I am like lost in the forest dunno which direction to head.....

2010-02-27T01:25:00.003+08:00

These are the things that i found out that i am actually selfish:
Whenever he joke with me i cannot take it but everytime i joke with him and talking stupid things to make him jealous.
I am always emotional to catch his attention, I want him to always care and love me.
I need him to talk to me for long hours on the phone and always meet up if not i will get angry and emo.
I always say nasty words to him like i am very bored with him etc and hurt him.
I always close with other guys.
I never care for his thoughts and share his troubles at work
I cause so much trouble for him
i never thought that i have been so selfish, i really dun deserve his love at all, i am the worse person, i am a devil, i hated myself so much!!!
I promise to return all the his kindness and repay him with all my love.

2010-02-27T00:13:00.003+08:00

I never knew how selfish i have been until today that i found out the problem i have within myself, all i think is abt myself instead of him. Now i knew that it is not what i wanted too much from him but rather is me who wanted too much for myself that i became so selfish. I should learn to let go and start to think for others. After so long, now then i really understand the true menaing of LOVE! Loving someone is not just to have him in possession with you but wanting him to be happy even he is not with you. Love is a selfish thing but he is the one who let me understand that love cannot be selfish. This is what lots of people misunderstand abt love and it is hard to do it not to be selfish becos it is human instinct, even i myself experience it so i knew how hard it is to be. I am so glad and thankful to know him becos he really enlighten me with all his wisdom and make me realise alot of things that i am not aware of abt myself. He is the one who really changes me and the one whom i love the most in my life. Now i must let go of my misery and him, i must not be so selfish, even if he is not my destiny for life or one day he is going to leave me, i still will love him with all i have and wish the best for him becos i know that he will also do the same to me.

2010-02-01T23:26:00.002+08:00

The day that i most fear has finally arrived, this is the day that he really leave me, that i really lost him forever. My heart is bleeding and i never felt so much pain before. I hate myself for causing so much misery and problem to him which i never wanted. Maybe w/o my presence he will live his life better, if that the case i will let him go. Gd bye my love and i am sorry for what i cause for you. There is no reason for me to be by ur side anymore. I really hope that u will be happy and find ur happiness...

a post frm ry to step.

2010-01-29T18:34:00.000+08:00

you know anything, you got friends there for u ya..

next week me and sherral goin shop for CNY clothes..

join us ba...

u need to relax urself..

life is not abt sorrows...

take care girl.

Best regards,

ry.

2010-01-28T22:36:00.002+08:00

It has been such a long time since i last blog here. Duno why but i just don't seem to have the mood to blog, maybe becos i really duno how to express my feelings or i can say i'm lost in myself. Its has been so tough for the last few months and its seem to never end. I see no hope and joy in my life, just living life through blindly. The past few months my r/s went into a davastating state that makes me breathless. School work is stress too, hai never ending suffering. Life is miserable and meaningless now.....

2009-12-27T20:22:00.002+08:00

I am suffering in agony now, i am shedding tears inside me.

2009-12-12T20:03:00.002+08:00

Welcome myself bac to my blog hehe!! Last week had my exam so stress and now i having 3 wks holiday, maybe goin to Novotel to work... Time really flies, i had encounter so many problems in my life for the past few wks and it seem like it just happened ydae... Recently i find myself changed a bit like i wont get emo so easily rather more heartless i can say. All my feelings seem to vanished into the air w/o a trace and any reasons to it. I duno whether it is gd or bad but i just follow the flow instead. Hope things will goin on smoothly in my life...

2009-12-04T01:04:00.002+08:00

Everythings seem to be screw up lately, nothing seem to be in my way!! Exams are coming and i am so stress up, it just can't seem to go into my brain... Now i having sleepless night hai!!! Thks for all who ask me not to be stress:) Just hope things can get better !!!

2009-11-28T13:19:00.001+08:00

This song really suites me now!
(Corrinne May-let it go)

I think we've been here before
I recognize this place
I've seen the marks of confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
And I don't want to play anymore
Not when the stakes are so high
So before we circle round once more
I'm gonna lay down,
Lay down my pride
Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go
I turn on the TV
and it screams out at me
Nothing seems to have changed
since the start of Adam and Eve
So we're waiting for the sky to fall
and we're buying brand new toys
But before we circle round once more
Can we lay down
Just lay down this pride
Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go
Don't go wasting your emotions
No one wins if we keep score
Let it go, let it be
Let it go

2009-11-26T20:22:00.003+08:00

It has been a long time since i last blogged. Reason's due to time and mood. Life have been so meaningless and boring, there isn't anything that seem to sparkle my life. I feel like goin on a holiday during my vacation period but i also want to work for more money... Exams are round the corners and i haven even started revising, must not be lazy and start studyin readi... Today nth special happened, now i just need surprises in my life that's all i wanted.

2009-11-14T20:49:00.002+08:00

Todae suppose to be an enjoying day for me becos it is a Saturday, no sch for me so i can go out with my dear dear. But as i expected, it wasnt, however i still enjoy my noon with my dear dear before he goes to work. Missing him so badly now which i hate myself for that ARrhh!!! Now i feeling abit down, need someone to be there by my side to acc me but he is always not there sad...and those who i dun ned them is always there Hai... But wat to do, he has his work to do and i noe he is already trying his best to meet me liao so i will understand his situation. Now i can only do is to be independent!!!

2009-11-10T20:50:00.003+08:00

After almost half a year and i have been through alot of things whether it's sweet or hard-breaking moments, Its time for me to really grow up! Things have to change for the better, no matter what happen life still have to go on... I have to be strong in life cos this is my only will to carry on my life. I will cherish my dear dear and nvr give up on him and myself!!!

2009-11-02T19:58:00.002+08:00

Wat a unlucky day for me todae, my fav phone was stolen by duno which stupid person on the train. Making my day damn weird w/o my phone. Now wat, i still need to use a old (bangala) phone for stand by first. Cos my daddy ask me to wait for new models to come out first cos there will be a new series of phones goin to be publish. Hai duno when can get a new phone which i like.

Ydae went to the zoo with my friends cos we have the corporate card, at first we can't get in the entrance becos of the rule that the person who owns the corperate card must be present on the spot. So no choice have to ask me daddy to come down. Thks daddy!!! Enjoyed myself with my dear dear and friends hehe!!! Took lots of pics too. However things didnt went well for me, suddenly i felt abit moody and upset which at first i also duno wat is wrong wit me. But after a day of sorting out my thoughts, and i found out that i'm being too paranoid over little things. I can't control my own emotion well enough. There are many factors that causes such behaviour, What i found out is that whenever he said he cannot spend time with me, i will be upset over it and i expected him to show more care towards me but i know that he is not a god or wat to know my feelings if i dun tell him. Maybe i am being too obessed into meeting him which made me get upset easily and get emo. I duno wat is wrong wit me that i become like this, i hate myself being like this, i must as wat he told me to that i must have a balance in my life. I will stop being this way!!!

What i learned today:
"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no
importance whatsoever..."
“Improve yourself before seeking to improve others.”
“If you can't be happy where you are, it's a cinch you can't be happy where you ain't.”

2009-10-29T21:16:00.001+08:00

Leona Lewis Yesterday with lyrics
i just cant believe your gone
still waitin for mornin to come
when i see if the sun will rise,
in the way that your by my side
well we got so much in store
tell me what is it im reaching for
when were through building memories ill hold yesterday in my heartin my heart
they can take tomorrow and the plans we made
they can take the music that we never play
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we will go
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
you always choose to stay
i should be thankful for everyday
heaven knows what the future holds, or least where the story goes
i never believed untill now
i know i'll see you again im sure
[Yesterday lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]
no its not selfish to ask for more
one more night one more day one more smile on your face
but they cant take yesterday
they can take tomorrow and the plans we made
they can take the music that we never play
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we will go
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
i thought our days would last foreverbut it wasnt our destiny
cause in my mind we had so much time, but i was so wrong
no i can believe that
i can still find the strengh in the moments we made
im lookin back on yesterday

2009-10-25T10:39:00.003+08:00

In life the saddest thing is to lose ur love ones, but worse if u lose ur love ones with regrets!!! That's why we always say we have to cherish our love ones when they are alive and not wait till the day they are gone. But sad to say, not all people understand till the day they lose it cos humans always take things for granted. Same goes to r/s, u will not feel the pain and the importance till the day u lost it. Even eventually u will lost the person but at least u have spent all the precious moments with him/her before.

2009-10-22T20:12:00.002+08:00

Its better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all!!! This phrase really inspire me when i watch the movie "the leap years". I feel that we must have courage to pursue our own love and not to say sorry!!! But unfortunately i am not, maybe becos i do not have the confident in myself and the courage to pursue. But i will just leave it all to fate no matter what lies in the future i will still need to go with life.

2009-10-20T18:58:00.002+08:00

Today is a special day to me, Yup its my bdae and i'm 19 now goin nearer to the digit 2 already sad:( I am glad to celebrate with my poly classmate esp my lao gong (tasmin) hehe!!! We head down to bugis which is a damn last min plan and get to watch a movie surrogates at iluma, quite a cool show i can say. Beside i get a shirt for myself which i am finding and tasmin got a bag for herself happy happy!!! Btw thks my lao gong for the present and jian wei for the movie ticket. But sadly my bro not free:( My mum also cooked my fav dishes and brought my fav cake for me which later they goin to sing bdae song for me hehe!!! Hope everyone will have a wonderful day!!!

2009-10-19T07:54:00.002+08:00

Today is the first day of sem 2, going to school soon. Hope for this sem i will not be lazy like the previous sem, i want to do better for this sem instead!! Wish the best for me...
Since today, everything will changed i will not be like last time so ignorant and childish anymore.
I will not get myself to do stupid things like last time and i will be more independent instead. Life is full of interesting things, so now i am going to explore myself!!!

2009-10-16T20:30:00.002+08:00

曲名：永远永远歌手：李翊君专辑：风云电视剧主题曲全纪录
一直以为自己可以很坚强
原来和你一样害怕着孤单
没有你的夜晚星星和我一样彷徨
挂在天上不眠又不安
不知不觉朝来的天已变亮
原来新的时间越来越长
没有你的夜下只有冷风陪我冷凉
我怕我的思念由不过这片海洋
别对我说永远永远永远世态昂贵的誓言
我握不住也看不见最后随着浪涛消失不见
别对我说永远永远永远不是我要的明天
你爱过我就已足够就算到了最后爱已搁浅
只求你留我在你心田
不知不觉朝来的天已变亮原来新的时间越来越长
没有你的夜下只有冷风陪我冷凉我怕我的思念由不过这片海洋
别对我说永远永远永远世态昂贵的誓言我握不住也看不见最后随着浪涛消失不见
别对我说永远永远永远不是我要的明天你爱过我就已足够就算到了最后爱已搁浅
只求你留我在你心田
别对我说永远永远别对我说永远永远别对我说永远永远
别对我说永远永远永远世态昂贵的誓言我握不住也看不见最后随着浪涛消失不见
别对我说永远永远永远不是我要的明天你爱过我就已足够就算到了最后爱已搁浅只求你留我在你心田你爱过我就已足够就算到了最后爱已搁浅只求你留我在你心田

2009-10-16T19:40:00.002+08:00

I duno wat is wrong with me, i am always not in a rite mood in everything, to everyone... I feel like i being lousy at times, cannot control over my mood, i hate this feeling!!! I have been lack of confident in myself and been living in my emo world again... I feel the emptiness in me!!! I feel like going somewhere far where nobody know me so i can live in my own world where i dun have to stress over everything including r/s matters... Nevertheless, i will still have to go back to reality of this world and face all the cruelty in me......

2009-10-13T18:39:00.002+08:00

FEELINGS
What do you do when your feelings are mixed up inside you
You try to be happy but inside your always blue
At times you'd like to cry but theres people all about
So you hold it back and try not to pout
You try not to think of the bad times you had
And try to be happy but inside your always sad
You know exactly what you really want to say
But you can never get it out to this very day
It runs about in your head both day and night
And it doesn't go away no matter how hard you fight
People ask "How are you" you say "good" what a lie
If they only knew you would really rather cry
No matter what you do it is always on your mind
And all the people around you are so happy and kind
You try everything but nothing seems to work
All that pain because of one little hurt
No one understands what your going thru now
You want to live a happy life but you don't know how.

2009-10-09T12:52:00.001+08:00

('¨`v´'¨)
'•.¸.•'
*:·. We'Ll
.·* Be
.·:* MiLeS
*:·. ApArT
.·* I'Ll
*:·. KeEp
.·* YoU
.·:* DeEp
*:·. InSiDe
.·. YoUr
(`·.¸ AlWaYs
`·.¸) In
)´ My
('¨`v´'¨)HeArT
'•.¸.•'

2009-10-08T23:18:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I ponder about what will come next
Where will my life turn when it seems to stall?
When is the next time I will smile again?
and how will I get up, should I fall?
Happiness fills me with a touch of sadness.
By that I mean I know it can't last.
Beauty decays, laughter subsides
When will the stones be cast?
Tragedy can be measured by the amount of happiness taken away
Elusion is our only protection
As we fall victim to its prey
So when I've reached a fork in life's road and the choices are many or few.
I follow the one that leads away from misfortune
Thats all I can really do
When life is good
You have to hold it in your hand
You have to close your eyes
You have to breathe it in!
Happiness may end
While tragedy begins
Today is the beginning
Is tomorrow the end?

2009-10-08T19:52:00.002+08:00

Todae went to the cathay to watch 500days of summer wit xinxin but its really not my type of movie cos i dun really like love story movies! The story line is abit confusing, maybe next time can catch a better show instead. Hai...holidaes is goin to be over real soon like in a wk times, and the worse is my timetable for the next semster is damn suck! Everyday study frm 8am to 6pm sian no resting time at all. Hai what to do this is life... Feeling like goin to night safari cos they have the halloween event goin on but it is on the fri and sat only, duno who would i be goin with...

2009-10-05T19:58:00.001+08:00

True Love poem:
Love is a God’s gift pious,
It does not belong to us,
To unburden us of this holy debt,
Necessary to love other’s in fact.
True love expects nothing,
Only unconditional giving,
It causes distress unlimited,
If one expects love returned.
Love is a divine grace,
True love is like sun rays,
Pouring infinite warmth and pace,
Without any quota and race.
Love knows no enemies,
It is invincible and cures miseries,
As a river flowing infinitely,
Riding all the sins and dirt wisely.
It is here to bless saddened mankind only,
Lovelorn life is no life plainly,
But an alliance unholy,
Love rich life is a dream cherished fully.

2009-10-05T19:31:00.004+08:00

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me

This can really describe how am i feeling now...
I have been supressing all my childish fears for so long and now it's time to let it all go. I thought of what he told me and sort out all my thought, i have to be strong in myself inorder to carry on with life. No matter what is goin to happen in the future, i goin to live my life to the fullest every single day. Even i am goin to lose him eventually, at least i had once enjoy the time i had with him cos life is unpredictable. I will not feel inferior in myself anymore rather be strong in my mindset. I am goin to live independently no matter what happen cos i dun ned anyone there to carry on my life!!! I can live by myself...

Label: Letting go of the past, to see a better future in you... Life is a lesson of give and take!!!

2009-10-05T17:40:00.005+08:00

I duno wat is wrong wit me but my heart hurts so much now, i feel like crying... I am not as strong as what he though, why cant he understand my feelings? Everytime i must act that i am very happy but inactual fact i am not but sad... It is so heart breaking whenever i am sad but he is happily talking without noticing at all... It doesn't mean that my love for him start to fade but i can say as in he dun really understand my feeling and what i really want. I know he is very busy at work and dun have much time to meet me, i can understand that even i miss him alot, but now its my holiday so i really wish to meet him more often even just for a little while maybe just for dinner... After my holiday, i will be busy in my school work and he will be busy in his job, so we might not even have the time to meet at all by then... So i would like to take this opportunity to meet him more often but i know it is impossible cos he got his work to do. I dun wan to disturb his life, i dun wan him becos of me to spend more time on me rather than his work cos i promise him to be a understanding gf... Does he know i wanted to spend most of my time with him not all those guys that ask me out. My friends keep asking me why my bf always never acc me? Am i too childish thinking like that, can someone advise me wat should i do???

2009-10-03T16:41:00.003+08:00

Today i had this thought wondering whether to be loved by someone but having to suffer from the fear of being love hurt OR to be single throughout with no fear of being hurt, which is better??? Love can be a sweet and lovely but it can also turn out to be a horrible nightmare!!! That's the reason why i alway felt inferior about having an r/s cos i scared to be hurt... Misunderstanding is always a problem in every r/s cos people all have different opinion. Therefore couples must know how to understand and compromise their opposite partners... Am i asking too much from him or maybe i expected too much from him?? Maybe becos he is too important to me which become part of my life that's why i will be more fearful then anyone to loose him. His every action or words will mean alot to me... i really duno what i can do to make things better.....

2009-10-02T10:35:00.002+08:00

ydae i recieved a suprise present from my dear dear, he brought a mp3 player for me which i wanted to buy, i like it alot, thks alot!!! ydae i also suddenly had a thought in my mind to become a air strewdess cause the day before i went to terminal 3 and saw a few air strewdess there, so it reminded me of my dream since i was young to become a air strewdess... i will give it a try, hope that i can get in but most probably can't cos not enough caliber hai.... Beside that i also thought of becoming a paramedic. But then i will still leave it to fate....

2009-09-29T21:06:00.002+08:00

Just finish watching Fann wong & Christopher lee's wedding banquet, only one word to describe "WAHHH"!!! I think this is every gals dreams to have such a fabulous wedding...
Money really can do wonders. How i hope i can have this kind of wedding, but i know it's impossible one, maybe i fantasies bah hehe!!! Today went to bugis shopping with my two princess and winnie the pooh (xinxin kor) and all of us got sth for urself, hurray!!! But now all of us are also broke hehe!!!

2009-09-28T19:10:00.005+08:00

Times really flies since the last time i blogged, soon my holidaes will be over and another new semester to go through, hope it will be a smooth one though... Alot of things happened the past few weeks but i dun seem to remember all the things that had happened, maybe this might be a good thing becos i could forget all the unhappiness in my life that have happened before, but it is not the case all the times... In fact i got alot of things in my mind to write abt but i jus duno why suddenly my mind went into total blank, cannot figure out wat i goin to write... rather i also cannot figure out about my own feelings now... Everything seems to be blank to me... What is really wrong with me????

2009-09-16T09:44:00.006+08:00

我成任在爱情里, 我是个白痴 . 有时候也觉得自己做的事情很幼稚, 可是我只不过想跟他玩, 开个玩笑而义但并没有恶劣. 可是因为所有这一切幼稚的行为导致他的误解, 悲伤和伤害, 让我感觉不好和内疚. 但我不怪他因为如果我是他, 我也会有同样的感觉和想法.
可是我已经尽做我所能改变，以更好地. 爱情是需要互相理解和照顾彼此的.
我始终认为，我理解和了解他的性格了很多，但实际上我不. 我一直想成为他的完美女友, 但我知道是不可能的因为这个世界上没有什么是完美的. 但我想要做到最好. 我也以为他是世界上最了解我的人, 但我错了, 我们之间仍然有某些事，我们不会明白因为不是每个人在某些方面都有同样的想法. 我并不需要他多, 只希望他能有时顾立到我的感觉和了解我的心情. 在他身上我领会和学习到很很多东西, 这个世界的现实. 非常感谢他做的一切.
现在，我只能说让我们顺其自然，而让命运做决定.

Label: 我们必须学会如何珍惜你的爱之一，但不能期望过高...
在心里从此永远有个你

2009-09-14T21:01:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry I hurt you
I didn't mean to
I'm sorry I hurt you,
I regret it, I do.

True love is a gift
Precious and rare
Which we often take for granted
Bringing forth a despair

Our fault is being human
Mistakes are everywhere
Let's not put our gift
Beyond repair

I'm feeling bad, I regret it
I'm o'erflowing with sorrow
If you can't forgive me today
May I hope for tomorrow?

I'm sorry that I'm not perfect
I'm sorry for the tears that you cried
I'm sorry for the pain I caused

I’m sorry for not being there when I said I would
I’m sorry I made you feel blue
I’m sorry for always doing the wrong thing
I'm sorry that I failed you

But I can't help being me.
I’m sorry...what more can I say
(I'm sorry...what more can I do)
Except I will try harder
Today, and every day
(I really do love you)

2009-09-13T18:59:00.002+08:00

Hai...Times really flies, without noticing 1 wk of my holidae had just passed like that. Life is unpredictable, we wont know what will happen in the next moment of life. It might be sth good or bad we wont know, it all depends on fate. Sometimes God really like to make fun of us.
Like for me, i never thought that he will actually remember me after so long and reappeared in my life ever again. I was kind of surprise that he chat with me online ydae and ask me for a date but i duno whether i should be happy or sad. Happy because he still remember me and sad as its the wrong timing... I try very hard to forget abt him that time and i manage to do it but why must he suddenly reappeared back into my life. My heart is dangling now. But he is now the past to me already so all i can say is that we do have fate to meet each other but not destiny to be tgt...

2009-09-11T00:02:00.000+08:00

Enjoy myself todae with my darlings at k suites located at iluma (opp bugis). It's a newly opened k box but it is very different from the k box that i normally went to. The place there is super awesome, it is a high tech k room where they have touch screen planer and internet access, not only that they have rooms for couples with beds inside and if you want to hold a party or gathering there, you can try the biggest room with pool table, internet access, psb station and also bar tender. Cool rite!! They are having a promotion now so quickly go and give it a try...
We enjoy urself and XinXin get to noe a new friend there which is a staff there hehe!!! He kept helping us to refill the chips for us.
However i did sth that make me feel bad, and finding myself being very childish too... I always like guys which are mature in their mindset and behaviour, but i myself isnt one!! I dun like to be childish but sad to say i being very childish at times which made me dislike myself more. I dun want him to find me childish but the opposite! After this incident, i learn how to act and think maturely so it's sort of a new lesson learned.

2009-09-05T22:44:00.003+08:00

Todae went to vivo city to watch Blood Ties with my dear dear. At the beginning i thought it is a horror ghost movie but it wasnt, infact it was a kind of real life tragic story.

(Movie Plot):
On the seventh night of his death, Shun's spirit returns to possess his little sister, Qing, to exact revenge on those who brutally murdered him and his beloved wife. Set in a supernatural context, this thriller takes us into a web of love, betrayal and vengeance.

It was quite a nice show cos i didnt really watch this kind of shows before and after watching it, i realised how cruel this world could be... Actually human beings are much more scarier than the spirtual ones! Guys are the most horrible creature in this world. How i wish i could be a guy so that i wont be in the losing end. Sad to say Girls are always the victim to tragic!!!

Can't wait for the arrival of monday cos i goin to watch my fav movie Final Destination!!! Waited for so long finally can get to watch it. Hope that it will not disappoint me... There is also quite a few nice movies coming up too, hope that i could get to catch those movies soon...

2009-09-05T01:23:00.002+08:00

Having Insomia now, so i decided to blog...Finally exams are over, everyone are happy abt it but i don't, rather down maybe becos i am worried abt forwarding my modules. Not in the mood to do anything now... But i will still try to have fun! Btw there is no attrachment for me this semester, actually i'm quite looking forward to it cos its a new experience but at the same time i also feel abit sian too... 1 month of holiday, haven plan wat to do maybe rot at hm or find a job etc...

rely to my dear xian xian.

2009-09-02T21:02:00.002+08:00

is not healthy to rely on bf too much..

but is normal as i gone tru it.

but always remember one day u fall if he nt there,always know we girls always there for you...mentally support and love you.needed me just call out for me and i will always be around the corner for you.

tmr last day of exam le.when is over don worry and leave it to fate and tell urself watever it is u had done ur very best.

is good to cry to let out ur sadness..

what is bad is u r sad and u cant cry no matter how u tried and all grieve inside is killin u much more.thats is what is happen to me now.

but as i know i must be more postive to attract more postive things around me.
is kind of science and universal law,i believe u know too..u study science my dear..soo ya hold on for now.after exam we go relieve some tension and stress go KKK okay?

tak gd care and see you real soon..

with lots of love,
yuki.

2009-09-02T19:47:00.000+08:00

Thks my dear xin xin to blog for me!!!
Todae I loss control of my emotion again, break down all of a sudden maybe becos the pressure i given myself and the stress i am facing not only in school work but more... Feeling damn lousy about myself thinking why i cant do well in anything. Feel that i live for the sick of nothing and i felt totally lost. It is sufferocating me to the extend till i felt breathless at times... thought i would have just die like that without anyone knowing...
My school exam is killing me, maybe this is the main cause resulting me in all this, didnt did well for my this time round exam, so scared that i forward my module..But i can only blame myself for that. However, i will ensure myself that i will not be so last minute anymore... Despite all this, i wan to take this opportunity to tell him that i really grateful for all his patient in teaching me and being a very understanding bf. When i needed him, he is alway there by my side supporting me even though he might be hurtful at times which really hurt me. But i know he meant well for me. Infact i become very reliable on him now that i really duno want to do w/o him around, but this made me more fearful...i though of giving out many times cos i hated myself for being like this...
BUT after that cry, i know i cant carry on with my life like this instead i need to bring myself up back to my normal self, alway happy and cheerful and i know i can do it becos i live for myself and my loves one

2009-09-02T16:44:00.000+08:00

Life is unfair, sometimes the misery we can't bear..
This was a feeling I could never share...
I am strong, strong enough to move on from this pain,
I won't feel the shame, my life is not a game, tierd of these tears and my fears...
I will cherish my inspirations...
I will find my dream, I promise, that's what I will achieve..
I will find a way to leave.. I'm not who you will deceive..
I believe in miracles, these people laugh like it's hysterical...
I won't fall, I may be lost but I will be found...
One day I will find the perfect life, life will run beautifully,
I will fly like a butterfly through the night, will have a pleasant sight, a
fraid but I will fight...
No boundaries, free my mind of all the pressure, leaving here will be my pleasure..
I want so much to be free, so much I want to see...
I want to reach the sky, I want so bad too fly...
See, I use to be a fool when I let you treat me cruel...
I made a mistake but I wont let my self brake..
Leave me, for gods sake...
So now I kneel down to pray, for these times of struggle I will just say,
I'll leave in your hands.
God, I will let go..

a post frm xin to xian..haha

2009-09-02T00:53:00.002+08:00

pretty nothing much to do so come mess xian blog haha..

i knw my darlin xian don mind de right?

today finally saw my long lost xian xian..

finally could see her precious face.

haha.

is been long time since we hang out together esp with sherral her n me..

xian is good to see u doin great..

exam stress is goin be over soon jia you wor..

ur great friends like me and sherral will mentally support u de..

haha..

after exam we shall go do somethin u love that is KKK!!!

haha..

hope to see u soon okay..

tak very gd care...wish u all the best for exam..don over stress and tired urself.

love ya n misses..

2009-08-27T22:21:00.000+08:00

How to know de difference btw Love and like

Difference between Love or Like
In front of the person you love your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you like you get happy.
In front of the person you love winter seems like spring
But in front of the person you like winter is just beautiful winter.
If you look into the eyes of the one you love you blush
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like you smile.
In front of the person you love you can't say everything on
your mind.
But in front of the person you like you can.
In front of the person you love you tend to get shy
But in front of the person you like you can show your own self.
The person you love comes into your mind every 2 minutes
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.
When the one you love is crying you cry with them
But when the one you like is crying you end up comforting.
The feeling of love starts from the eye
And the feeling of like starts from the ear.
So if you stop liking a person you usedto like,
All you need to do is cover your ears,
But if you try to close your eyes
Love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after.

........ For
all you people who say, "I love you" when you have no
clue what love is exactly!
What is love?
When we claim that it's love that we have for someone,
are we correct?
Something to ponder upon...
are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and
is your voice caught within your chest?
it isn't love, it's like.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isn't love, it's lust.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't love, it's luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't love, it's loneliness.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't love, it's loyalty.
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn't love, it's low confidence.
Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't love, it's pity.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't love, it's infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn't love, it's friendship.
Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
It isn't love, it's a lie.
are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't love, it's charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
then it's love.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
Then it's love.
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's love.
Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there?
Then it's love.
Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's love.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's love.
Would you allow them to leave you , not because they want to but because they have to?
Then its love.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's love.

Now,
if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE.
It is such an addictive that even people who
are not having it wish to experience and share it with .

2009-08-25T13:31:00.000+08:00

My Immortal lyrics
Songwriters: Hodges, David; Lee, Amy; Moody, Ben;
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me

This song is so sad make me cry everytime i hear this song...

2009-08-23T21:11:00.001+08:00

Our love is like a river,
it never seems to end.
And no mattter what they say,
our love will never bend.
When I feel your lips
pushed hard against mine,
I can feel your love
as strong as a rose's vine.
When your arms are around me,
it's like a gift from above,
And with every reassuring smile,
I know this is true love.
We'll always be together.
I knew this from the start.
Every time our eyes meet,
I know we'll never part.
You're the sunshine
that brightens up each day,
And I'll never let you go,
because I love you.

2009-08-23T21:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to say, but I am sorry.
I didn't know how much you mean to me,
and I didn't know you really even cared.
I thought it was all a game,and I guess I was wrong.
You know I have been hurt before,and it all seemed so wrong.
I knew you had my heart.I did not know I had yours.
I never meant to break it,and if I could change what happened I know I would.
I love you like I've never loved anyone before.
You weren't only my love,but you were my friend as well.
I never meant to hurt you, my dear,and I am sorry if I did.
My heart belongs to you,and that will never change.
My love for you is strong, my dear,and it keeps growing every day.
Keep your head high, my dear,and never let it fall.
I do truly love you, dear, and I know I always will.
I hope to be together again someday, my dear,
and then you will know, that I really do love you so

2009-08-23T20:08:00.000+08:00

Sad love stories!

It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

2009-08-23T12:55:00.000+08:00

Hai...Dun feel good wit my life, rather finding it a misery in life without a reason of living. Duno why i dun have any motivation and mood to study, rather being lazy to study. But my exams is coming, i dun wan to forward any modules so i will try my best to force myself to study. Next week will be my exams, it will end on the 4 August. Then will be my attachment...

I have been too obessed in r/s and neglected my studies, i duno wat has happened to me...
Life suppose to be a wonderful thing tat god given to us but now to me it isnt anymore rather a misery, i feel the pain and stress inside me which seems to be killing me instantly. I am suffering to survive but it seem impossible to me now. I had always wanted to end my life so that i will not ned to suffer all this misery and pain. But i know that shldnt be the way rather i am running away from problems. However i cant get myself to stand up again and get back to normal life, it seem impossible to me now, i really hated myself to the core....

2009-08-17T12:11:00.001+08:00

Love can make you happy
but often times it hurts,
but love is only special
when you give it to who its worth.

Its better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.

Some of us think holding on makes us strong;
but sometimes it is letting go.

When You Say
I Love You Mean It

Love Is Like Quicksand:
The Deeper You Fall In It
The Harder It Is To Get Out

Love Is Running Into His Arms
Colliding With His Heart
And Exploding Into His Soul

If You Get A Chance To See Him,
Your Heart Begins To Dance.
Your Life Revolves Around Him,
There's Nothing Like Romance

Love is just a word till
someone you meet gives it a meaning.

Loving someone is loving that
someone despite that
person's flaws and weakness.

When you are in love nothing matters
except that the other person is happy.

You know you love someone
when you cannot put into words
how they make you feel.

Real tears are not those that fall from the eyes and cover the face,
but those that fall from the heart and cover the soul.

If you love someone you give everything
you can and not expecting on any return.

So often we don't say 'I love you'
because we fear losing someone,
but more often we lose them
because we fear saying 'I love you'

If you love someone, tell them...
for hearts are often broken
by words left unspoken.

The more you love,
the more you lose a part of you.
Yet you dont become less of you are,
instead you end up being complete...

You'r heart is one of your most prized possessions,
be careful who you give it to

2009-08-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

Wat a day for me todae, i felt so lost duno wat to do, i wish everything could stop right now to let me take a break. I felt breathless, this time it really strike me hard. I had 3 continual tests todae and i funk it...Arh i tink i goin to forward NOOOO....i duno want!!! Please god help me!!!Life is so unfair and stressful, i really cannot take it any further. How i wish i could be gone for good so that i duno have to face all the cruelty of this world. If god want to punish please do it on me, i rather the person to be sick is me. I really wish nth will happen to him, he is everything to me now without him i really got no more strength to continue my life cos everything will seem meaningless. I already lose one of my beloved third aunt, i canot afford to lose another, i really canot take it....CRYING!!!!

2009-07-30T21:11:00.001+08:00

Lately had been quite emo at times but now i seem to be back to normal liao:) Thanks for all the concerns esp my dear dear who's alway there for me, i really appreciate it alot. My dear dear has been the nice's guy that i ever met, he is very different from the guy's outside. That is why i like him in the first place, but i never had expected to meet such a guy cos most of the guy's now are jerks!!! But becos that he is such a nice guy, it made me more fearful. Maybe becos i felt inferior abt myself that i am not good enough for him. The another reason is that all this seem to be so not real to me, it seem to be like a dream that i will wake up eventually and find myself alone. There is always a fear within me maybe becos i have no confidence in love this kind of things due to previous r/s i been through that made me have those feelings. I always think that if you did not get urself involve in a r/s, you will never get hurt. I once hated love alot and vow that i will not like anyone anymore but now i not sure already cos i already broke my promises. However, i will still feel fearful abt love r/s. What shld i do so that i can get back my confidence in love and r/s, i really felt lost at times....

2009-07-19T18:21:00.005+08:00

Hai....now i'm not only hurt in the inside but on the outside too:(
Ydae went cycling at east coast with my dear dear during the noon. Initially, supposingly planned to go to the zoo but eventually didnt. Luckily it did not rain during the noon, but something even worse happened which i nvr had experience in all my cycling life. I actually fell off my bike and injured myself, all thks to someone with his 'good' skills in cycling(the opp)bleh!! He all of a sudden stopped infront of me and i was cycling so fast that i didnt manage to break in time and fell off my bike. I injured my left leg and the worse of all, i was like so paiseh cus so many ppl looking lol.. But lucikly my dear dear was there for me thks alot, i didnt blame him for making me fall, i was all just an accident. Eventually we still manage to cycle for another 2 hrs.

After which, we went to took a cab to tampines to eat there but we didnt but went to marina sq instead to had our dinner at yuki yaki, however that will be the last time i goin to eat that cus we like eat the same restaurant for 2 consecutive days so both of us were sick of the food alreadi maybe the next time i go there to eat willl be next yr or so. But things didnt went on smoothly during the dinner, the atmosphere were rather tense between both of us. Sorrie abt that my dear cus i also duno wat happen to me that i all of a sudden felt so emo, maybe becos i see u being so stress up abt my injures and also the money that i made u spend for all the cab fee and choosen the same restaurant that u seem not to like it seeing u eat with so much misery, it realli make me feel so guilty. i felt so bad abt it :(

But from all the inccident that happened ydae, i learned how not to give up and let u go so easily, if last time i would have given up already. Without you my life will not be complete...

2009-07-15T23:15:00.004+08:00

Being rather down and emo lately, can't really figure the actual cause to it but most likely is due to my sch work, exam results and r/s matters. All this seem to be draining off all my energy, i felt breathless now:( Things always don't go the way i wanted or wished. Sometimes i really wish that i could just vanish into the thin air and just disappear from this world. I really duno whether i can carry on with my life cus i find it all meaningless now or i can say from the beginning i already felt this way. Nobody will understand the pain i am suffering now:( I really wished to end my life if i was given the chance but sadly i wasn't :(

But i am also fortunate that i had someone which is always there to stand by me and comfort me. He is nun other than my one and only dear dear, thks alot!! Without you, my life will be totally meaningless. But i hope you can always be there by my side, i really fear that this is only short term. I really scared to lose you!!

2009-07-13T07:33:00.002+08:00

Ohaiyo everyone:) tis is my first time posting so early hehe! Last nite didnt really get to sleep well, not because i ned to rush on my report or exams but is jus that i can't get myself to sleep even after the medication i took. Being insomia y'dae that's why i am up so early todae and got nth to do so i decided to blog. Later i still ned to go sch for prac and lessons sian :(but this is life so i got no choice, hai...todae lesson end at 5pm, and then maybe goin to have dinner wit my dear dear:) Oh ya almost forgotten that i ned to go sch and print my stuffs so i ned to be in sch earlier ArhxX!! Better go rest somemore if not later i will be like a vombie bleh:) Gd nite everyone, no shld be gd morning hehe!!

2009-07-12T21:09:00.003+08:00

Y'dae went to amk hub with my family and brought lots of stuffs, then during the nite we had dinner at simon road, the food there was damn nice, three tumbs up:)
But today i felt so sick having flu, sore throat and abit fever, feeling terrible now:( But luckily got my parents and my friends who cares for me, thks alot for their care and concern i appreciate it alot.. But must importantly i wanted to thks is my dear dear who is the one always there for me, love u so much...
Life is a misery to me especially in such a relistic world now!! I have been through so much pain

in life and how i really wish to end but i noe i can't. I went through life and death before where i was so so close to death luckily my parents saved me from hell. Maybe if at that time my parents didn't saved me and helped me alot, i won't be here typing all tis already.. So i learned to appreciate my life better now but at times i will tends to relapse again into those silly thoughts. However I will learn to love myself more and the ones who love me too like my family, my dear dear and my friends.. Now i can onli hope for the best :)

2009-07-11T21:57:00.002+08:00

I really hate my life now damn sickening, really feel breathless at times:( Feel like running away from everything and give it an end especially my studies so stress up, but i noe i can't hide forever instead i will have to face it eventually. Running away is not the way to solve the problem cus the problem will always still be there rather face it should be the way. I am trying hard to face my own problem but it seem so hard but it is not impossible. I feel like survival is a challenge to me now, i duno can i overcome it?? This world is cruel nobody can help u but urself.

2009-07-04T22:56:00.000+08:00

*October Star*
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

2009-07-03T20:18:00.004+08:00

Finally, my exams are over hurry!!! This afternoon went to juring point with my lao gong tasmin. I intended to buy sushi ingredient but eventually didnt manage to do so, maybe i goin to do sometink else for my dear dear. I acc tas to search for a present for his male collegue, n i recommended her to buy a wallet for him n we found one suitable and rangable price at john little. After which we went to shop ard, we also intended to look for a similar hand bangle to wear showing that we are best buddy forever. We manage to find one bangle at the shop oppsite fairprice-xtra which both of us like alot. The bangle is gold in colour with a heart shape dangling it look nice on us cus the design is simple and elegant, but sadly it has only one picece selling so eventually we didnt manage to get it. But i really like the bangle very much it looks so nice. it is very hard for me to find an accessories that i like alot same goes for tasmin. Nevermind we intended to go bugis to look around maybe we will find sth that we both like=)

2009-07-02T21:11:00.006+08:00

Tmr will be the last paper for my MST, supposingly i should be happy about it but i dun felt that way. Rather i feel more disappointed and stress maybe becos i didnt put in effort for tis exam. I am realli scared that i will fail and scored badly. But no matter wat i must learn to get over it and do better for the next round.
After a stress and painful day, i felt much much relieved=) All thks to my dearest hubby, realli thks for bringing smile back onto my face again. I realli felt much better after all with all the laughter u brought to me. Besides, the ice age 3 movie I watched todae was also damn hilarious too, super funny!! Its realli worth watching it if u realli wan to laugh out loud. Going to watch another hilarious movie too wic is the UPs, looking forward to it hope it will be as funny as the ice age 3!! SMILE=)

2009-06-18T22:21:00.002+08:00

One day as I was thinking
Thinking as I often do
The subject turned to love
And immediately I thought of you
I thought of how you have changed my life
And relieved all my pain
I thought of how you've carried me
And all things in life I've gained
As I pondered these wonderous thoughts
I came upon one more
And thought about my sinful life
Only as it was before
And then it was there I realized
How much you've changed me inside
And made me the most gracious person
Now one more thing I cannot hide
I never thought of love
As an object or a person
I often thought about it being bliss and maybe a potion
I did not think it was something I could see
But now I see love everyday, everytime I look at me
It might be by my definition only
But you have made me love
And also you have made my life
Not just high but above.

2009-06-18T20:37:00.004+08:00

Wat a day todae, suppose to be a happy and enjoyable but it turn out to be unexpectably disappointing. In the morning, i went all the way to jurong medical centre to wait for him to give him a surprise, didnt tell him i was goin. I reached there about 9.30am and went round to look for the place cus i'm not sure where is the dental clinic but likely managed to find it..phew!! cus i got abit lu chi hehe=) After which, we went to KFC to have our breakfast, i ordered the waffle set and he order the duno wat's it called but is like chicken roll. The waffle quite satisfying to me. I then took the train to SGH to do my medical check up, everytink was fine. No worries=)

Later in the noon, went to meet my two dears xinxin and sala with kelvin(xin's bf). Took bus to bugis and we 3 brought belts, then me n xinxin brought a t-shirt for kel and my dear dear.
Things didnt went well frm then, i had a conflict with him and made me upset again. Even though i was at fault but the tone and the words he said to me was sacrastic and tis is not the first time alreadi. This realli made me lose confident in tis r/s, realli lose faith in him too.. I am a person who get emotional easily, and i fear to get hurt..i tink most gals do. I realli have the thought of leaving him and not get into a r/s so as both parties will not get hurt further but love shldnt be tis way, if u realli love the person u will be willing to scarifise for him no matter wat happen, u will always be there for him and to correct his mistake.
I dun blame him of wat a person he is as everyone has its own flaws but the most importantly is whether he noe how to tink and analysis the problem and improve on it. He's a nice guy but onli veri short-tempered at times. But i am glad tat he is aware abt it and is willing to change. I will definitely help to remind him his tempered and attitude towards me and even to the outside ppl.

I also wan to thks my gf's for their care to me and be there by my side to comfort and support me love u lots!!

Last but not least, i jus wan to remind all the couples outside there tat, we must learn to cherish and value the ones you love cus it's not easy to find the one tat is made for u!! Not all noe how to forgive ppl.

人总是珍惜未得到的, 而遗忘了所拥有的。
你随时也要认命,因为你只是个人。

2009-06-15T21:36:00.002+08:00

Here is a collection of Sad Love Quotes.

These are touching, and sad and true.
“Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion.”
“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it”
“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
“The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.”
“What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.”
“Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.”

” Sadness flies away on the wings of time. ”
” When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. ”
“They say that time heals all wounds but all it’s done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to love someone because you’re so afraid of losing them”
” Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.”
“What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose.”
But hey, you should always be and You can be really Cheerful because all the time:
Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy, and not give everyone a DAMN.

2009-06-15T21:23:00.001+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T21:22:00.001+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T21:20:00.001+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T21:17:00.001+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T21:15:00.002+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T21:15:00.001+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T21:14:00.003+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T21:14:00.001+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T21:12:00.001+08:00

Heartbreak Quotes

2009-06-15T15:54:00.005+08:00

When it comes to affairs of love and hurt, you have to wait for your heart to learn what your head already knows, then You can break free
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal Sometimes you can't always see The pain someone feels
Love is like grass. If you fall on it, it may leave a stainand some temporary pain. But you’ll get over the pain,it will eventually stop hurting. Now maybe the stain ruined your favorite pair of jeans, or maybe it was nothing special that was ruined, but either way the stain remains there. And with time,it will begin to fade, but it will always be there,a permanent reminder that you, too, once fell.
Why is it whenever I try to find lovethey all laugh? Why is it whenever I try to love they turn away? Why is it whenever I find love they leave me and say it was never meant to be?
I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
When you can't remember why you're hurt, that's when you're healed. What's better? A lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?
I guess we all make mistakes sometimes But you were my biggest.

(gO to tiS weB to Check oUt moRe)
http://www.lovefatedestiny.com/emolovequotes.htm

2009-06-15T15:52:00.002+08:00

Look behind the mascara and the shiny lipstick look a little deeper and maybe you will see that this girl you are looking at really isn't me
Quit saying you love me. For once.. just show it.
Life is like a dream you always wake up to the truth and sometimes it sucks
When the last teardrop falls I will stand tall And hold onto the memories Of how you used to be
When someone really loves you,they will never hurt you. And if they do, you can see it in their eyes that it hurts them too...
It's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings, and standing up for what you believe.
We take a risk when we open our hearts because the truth is, if we open our hearts, we will get hurt. You can’t open your heart and not have some hurt because you’re in a human experience. Even if it’s the love of your life and you have many wonderful, deepening, growing, powerful years together,it’s a human experience and that person will pass over. Love takes courage.Be courageous.
If you don't know, then ask me. If you don't agree,then argue with me. If you don't like, then say it to me. But don't keep silent and judge me.I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that.
I don't make mistakes..I just date them.

2009-06-15T15:51:00.002+08:00

Should I Smile Because You're My Friend Or Cry Because Thats All We'll Ever Be?
A Million Words Would Not Bring You Back, I Know Because I've Tried. Neither Would A Million Tears, I Know Because I've Cried.
Forget The Times You Walked By, Forget The Times You've Made Me Cry, Forget The Time You Held My Hand, Forget The Sweet Things If I Can, I Can No Longer Pretend, I Have To Remember Now That You're Just A Friend
When I Look At You My Heart Skips A Beat But Later That Beat Could Mean A Lifetime Of Tears Wasted On Something I Knew I Could Never Have
How Can You Be Friends With Someone If Everytime You Look At Them It Makes You Want Them Even More?
My Heart Was Taken By You, Broken By You And Now Is In Pieces Because Of You
As Part Of You Has Grown In Me, Together Forever Shall We Be, Never Apart Maybe In Distance But Not In Heart
Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does.
Even when I pour my heart out to you, I'm not sure it shows, that I love you more than you'll ever know.
Sometimes it's hard to love someone because you're so afraid of losing them
I know in reality we can't be together, so I just close my eyes and you're right here with me...in my dreams you're mine forever.
I was reborn when you first kissed me. Part of me died when you left me. But now I still live, waiting for the day you return to me.
u are always there for me and so you give me the courage to stand alone.

2009-06-15T15:49:00.002+08:00

Top 10 Sad Love Quotes
Love can make you laugh; love can make you cry. This page is dedicated to people who have experienced the sorrowful side of love. These sad love quotes reflect your emotions, share your grief and teach you to build your life once again. Read carefully and you will derive a lot of meaning in these valuable sad love quotes.
1. has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
2. YeatsHearts are not had as a gift, But hearts are earned...
3. The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.
4. There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go.
5. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
6. How could an Angel break my heart? Why didn’t he catch my falling star? I wish I didn’t wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart.
7. Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
8. You wondered how you’d make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you’re looking for, is the one thing you can’t see.
9. Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
10. Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

A True Ghost Love Story

2009-06-15T10:26:00.003+08:00

A True Ghost Love Story
Yes, you can find true love in the weirdest places. Astoundingly, it is these stories that are the saddest. We all sometimes wish that our loved ones will stay by our side forever but alas, life seems to always have a cruel twist on love.
This is a personal account of a ghost story that occured over 10 years ago.This "true experince" firml supported my theory that our departed loved ones can convey messages through dreams.
Back in 1989, being a fresh graduate Psychology graduate, I landed a job inthe personnel department in one of the goverment offices in Quezon City. A male co-worker, Jun, was 11 years older than me. He became one of my friends while working there. Jun was king, loving, and romantic. He was the breadwinner of his family. His parents ang relatives liked me a lot. Being single and unattached, he courted me in 1990. I accepted his marraige proposal during the latter part of that year.
My parents did not approve of our relationship and when the first quarter of 1991 came, my parents made me quit my job. My dad, being a military man, even threatened Jun to Jun to stay away from me. To make our long story short, I left my job. I lost track of Jun I bussied myself with the family business. Basically, I went on with my life and tried to forget about him.
On the morning of June 2, 1994 I recieved a telegram from his aunt, saying that Jun had died the day before June1, 1994. Shocked I crumpled the short note and hurriedly phoned his aunt for confirmation. She told me that when we parted, Jun resigned from his job and drunk heavily each day. He naglected his death as well as his body. Pneumonia had caused his sudden death. "You know Jun. Everyday and up to his remaining hours, all her wanted was to seeyou. During his final moments, while suffering from delirium, he even told us that he still loves you very much," Jun's aunt said.
Sadly, my parents wouldn't allow me to go to his wake. I mourned quietly inside my room. There even came a point where I convinced myself that he wasn't dead.
On January 1995, just before my birthday, Jun visited me in a dream. I dreamed that I was inside a hospital room. I was wearing a hospital gown and I was sitting at the foot of my bed. Jun suddenly appeared before me, clothed in bright lights. We communicated mentally. I told him it wasn't true that he was gone. He replied that I must accept the fact that he was already dead but it didn't mean that he as leaving me. "I will always be beside you, gaurding you," he said
I cried saying, "I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to fight for our relationship."
He comforted me and soothed me by shrouding me with his bright light. The bliss I felt was interrupted by voice calling hi name "It's time for me to go," he told me. "But what about me?" I asked, tears in my eyes. " I will be here for you always," he replied,"and I will be waiting for you there. And don't ever forget that love you very much."
After saying this, he vanished before my eyes. I woke up crying. After this accident, I finished began to accept his death. And whenever I'm depressed I feel his presence beside me I know somehow out there he's still waiting patienly for me.

A Painful Regret

2009-06-15T10:22:00.003+08:00

A Painful Regret
10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called"best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:
I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!
I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried

Everlasting Love story

2009-06-15T10:16:00.003+08:00

Everlasting Love story
One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office.Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.
Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story....This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.
They hang on because of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing. Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there's nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce....
Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, because he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldnt understand why the old couple would still want a divorce..
While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband.."I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore, I'm sorry..""Its o.k, i understand.." said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..
At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady.."take this, its your favourite.."
Looking at this, the lawyer thought maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer.."This is always the problem, you always think so highly of yourself, never thought about how I feel, dont you know that i hate drumsticks?"
Little did she know that, over the years, the husband have been trying all ways to please her, little did she know that drumsticks was the husband's favourite. Little did he know that she never thought he understand her at all, little did he know that she hates drummsticks even though all he wants is the best for her.
That night, both of them couldnt sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn...after hours, the old man couldnt take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her "i love you"...
He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number....ringing never stops..he never stop dialing....
On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these years, he still doesnt understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore....phone's ringing, she refuses to answer knowing that its him..."whats the point of talking now that its over...i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face.."she thought...still ringing...she have decided to pull out the cord...
Little did she remember, he have heart problems...
The next day, she received news that he had passed away...she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone...he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get through her phone line....
As sad as she could be...she will have to clear his belongings...when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, with the beneficiary being her... And together in those file, there was this note...
"To my dearest wife, by the time you're reading this, I'm sure I'm no longer around, I bought this policy for you, though the amount is only $100k, I hope it will be able to help me continue my promise that i have made when we got married, I might not be around anymore, I want this amount of money to continue taking care of you, just like the way I will if I could have live longer. I want you to know Iwill always be around, by your side... I love you"
Tears flowed like river......
"When you love someone, let them know... You never know what will happen the next minute.... Learn to build a life together.. Learn to love each other. For who they are.. not what they are..."

2009-06-10T20:30:00.008+08:00

Hi everyone, it's me, i'm finally back!! after so long.. Haven posted for a long long time haiya due to my laziness and quite busy on sch work at that time hehe...so i get my dear xin xin to post for me thks alots!! 1 wk of holidae is goin to pass so damn fast, left onli 2 wks before my mst exam. so sian!! Haven realli started studyin slackin for the 1st wk then goin to chong for the 2 wks. Suddenly so many things to do exams, reports, etc... Realli drive me to the wall ArhxX!!!=(

Ydae my dear xin xin went to my hse n we had a good heart to heart talk abt her r/s. I realli feel sad for her, i hope she can get through tis tough period of time and find her true love, someone who will realli cherish her. But dun forget me arh even u found "him" hehe!! Best friendz forever=)

Todae, my dear dear give my a veri sweet surprise, he actualli brought breakfast to my doorstep early in the morning without letting me noe, he also brought one for my xiao mei. Thks alot my dear dear, so sweet of u=) After which, initially he planned to go for a swim at jurong swimming complex but didnt manage to do so due to my presence hehe sorrie dear dear abt tat even thought i noe u dun mind hehe=)

Tmr, lots of nice movie is going to release, i'm goin to catch the drag me to hell, waited for so long. Goin to watch wit my dear dear, xin xin, and maybe sala. Can't wait to hang out wit my dearest's friends again=) But sad of all, i ned to go sch for OSRM leeson SO SIAN!!!

Fri, our classmate is goin to celebrate my lao gong tasmin bdae, but her's actual is on sat la. Goin to hang out at kbox and then have dinner at new york new york!! We share money to buy her the perfume she loves so much, thks jia wei for helpin us to buy the present cus i'm sensative to perfume so can't acc u to buy. Wondering whether we will have fun on tat dae cus long time nvr have tis type of gathering readi... Realli lookin forward to it!!

Ok la tats all for todae=) Goin to do some of my stuff first. Will keep u all updated on the coming events wit pics uploaded!! Gd nite=)

june 9

2009-06-09T21:46:00.002+08:00

now at xiang home...haha i force her to hand over her com n asked her study..
wakka...orelse she will be lazy to study if gt com company her..
i felt lik those old days as tutor teacher watchin student do hmwk and study...
haha...nothin to do help her do some htlm codes changin in her blog...
saw those scrollin things?i do one wor..mai siao siao wakka...admire me ba...
k la she study till lik very pek chei(fusrated ba) haha..
bt ntin i could do bt jus tokin to her all rubbish stuff...
she gigglin n peepin wat i wrote here now..
i shoo her back first..
l0ls ok she back to study..
is late now guess gt to go hm soon ya..
haiz...
days r gd to hav someone to talk to n pei..n it pass by fast as gd times always flies...
k la..dono wat to write liao..
anyway ytd couple date was alright..
we caught a movie,eat sushi and took some pics..
comin out soon the pic...bt gd things gt to wait...
soo ya stay tune..comin out nice ppicyss..
goin catch drag me to hell when it comin out..
wohooo..
sianz i watch all movie le..nthin to watch le..
is there any contest for watchin all movie?
haha...
tak care readers...wish u all a very gd night.

my first post,ry

2009-06-08T05:53:00.005+08:00

guess the time readers?
is 5.53 am now.
i cant really slp so i goin to write a short post here.
hi,my name is yuki bt xian used to call me "xin xin"..
i guess i once of her best buddy,and i honour to has her as my bff..
thanks xian for givin the rights to write here as u knw..ermm...
if u don trust me u wont do it as i will spamm all the way n make a mess in ur blog...wakkakaka..bt nt to worry i will not..and i nt so bo liao..lols.

let me guess wat to write...mind quite empty due to the time..

okok...

if i not wrong,i start frm june 6.

we girls went out for a outin on tat days.bt there's a guy who join us.
so that will be...xian,sherral,me and a guy(shit i don really rem his name).
let's called him the bombastic guy(the words he speak,it can make u think that sun came out from north which is not bt thats e way he sound.),so named it as Mr B.
xian ask him out as wanna intro me tis guy,make a new friend.
xian thx for thoughts although we know in e end he is the worst guy.haha..is ok...
the guy abit out of his mind..tryin to hanky panky and said words to impress girls.
bt too bad..we 3 are the world most smarter n wise ladys..haha..
i knw i oversound bt bein self confident and love ourself should be the way in life.
so since he wanna to impress we let him be.do what a gentleman should did bt which is also the worst for him but best for us..
guess what the things he done which sound tat way?

any idea?

l0ls,thats is paid the bills.

got get it right?is ok if didnt..there too much thing tat guys should do for girls..

due to economic crisi we girls are poor so to us if we could save abit is consist best for us le..thats y bad for him bt good for us,i dont think he gt much to spend too..
he paid the movies ticket,cab fare from my home to cini,snacks from movie booth and dinner treat..round it off let me guess..around min 100buck..
movie 40,snacks 20,dinner might be 40...and some other little small stuff..
wohooo...sound great isnt?we 3 sav ard up to 30++ each..haha whom ask him to mess with the wrong groups of girls tat day.serve him right..
took it the price of tryin hold my hands for 1 sec,bump into me.makin me listen to his crap,n some other disrespect things.everytin hav a price,isnt?
hope i nv sound bad...as the worst thing he done that day is spoilin we girls mood tat day..we plan to tak neon print bt we didnt as he wanna join.we nv really enjoy much shoppin as mayb we r uncomfortable with him ard.as he causin me no mood and whole group will jus goes with it..so..

do u think he should do sometin to so call remend for us?

but after is still a great days,as i could hang out with my girly girl and they r my awesome for years friends..may our friendships last forever ya..
xian get a dress instead of bag cause cant find the one she wan.
sherral gt a heels shoes for sch,ya she gt wat she plan bt nt for xian..
bt xian next time den we try to find to get a bag ya..
n me gt a pair of cute flat platform heels..n a dress too..i over my spendin budget tat day,bt is alright try to cheer myself up abit..bt xian gd lor...
we bought the dressy together...the shop gt promotion lik u bought first pieces is 20 and sec pieces is 10..
so me bought the 20 n xian bought the 10..grrr~~haha bt nvm...as long happy k le..
end of day we still save.
xian mange to chase him off at night so we had a peaceful ride back to jurong.lols.
oya,the movie we watch is dance subaru..is a nice show,the ballet is gracefully beautiful.worth the watch,2 tumbs up.
anytin else did i miss out?

ermmm....

i think nthin le..
k la i go to bed le..
as tmr goin out with xian for double date.she bought her bf i bought my kel..l0ls..
mayb will take a pic to post.
for intrestin updates comin out,so stay tune ya..
nitex reader slp tights...
nitex my 2 darlin(xian & sherral) candys dream,love u girls..misses too..

written by,R.Y.

2009-05-09T17:37:00.001+08:00

2009-05-09T17:36:00.004+08:00

2009-05-09T17:36:00.003+08:00

2009-05-09T17:36:00.001+08:00

2009-05-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

2009-05-09T17:23:00.000+08:00

y'dae when out wit my best friend to sing kbox at marina sq to relax ourself, after the past few weeks of misery. We went to shop till 10 plus but worse of all i forgot to bring my wallet out so i am penniless on tat dae and my friend becam my atm whaha.....but i will pay her back one la!!!
I really enjoy myself being wit my close friends, Friends ROXZ man!!!