♥My memories♥.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

These are the things that i found out that i am actually selfish:
Whenever he joke with me i cannot take it but everytime i joke with him and talking stupid things to make him jealous.
I am always emotional to catch his attention, I want him to always care and love me.
I need him to talk to me for long hours on the phone and always meet up if not i will get angry and emo.
I always say nasty words to him like i am very bored with him etc and hurt him.
I always close with other guys.
I never care for his thoughts and share his troubles at work
I cause so much trouble for him
i never thought that i have been so selfish, i really dun deserve his love at all, i am the worse person, i am a devil, i hated myself so much!!!
I promise to return all the his kindness and repay him with all my love.

1:25 AM Y

I never knew how selfish i have been until today that i found out the problem i have within myself, all i think is abt myself instead of him. Now i knew that it is not what i wanted too much from him but rather is me who wanted too much for myself that i became so selfish. I should learn to let go and start to think for others. After so long, now then i really understand the true menaing of LOVE! Loving someone is not just to have him in possession with you but wanting him to be happy even he is not with you. Love is a selfish thing but he is the one who let me understand that love cannot be selfish. This is what lots of people misunderstand abt love and it is hard to do it not to be selfish becos it is human instinct, even i myself experience it so i knew how hard it is to be. I am so glad and thankful to know him becos he really enlighten me with all his wisdom and make me realise alot of things that i am not aware of abt myself. He is the one who really changes me and the one whom i love the most in my life. Now i must let go of my misery and him, i must not be so selfish, even if he is not my destiny for life or one day he is going to leave me, i still will love him with all i have and wish the best for him becos i know that he will also do the same to me.

12:13 AM Y

Monday, February 1, 2010

The day that i most fear has finally arrived, this is the day that he really leave me, that i really lost him forever. My heart is bleeding and i never felt so much pain before. I hate myself for causing so much misery and problem to him which i never wanted. Maybe w/o my presence he will live his life better, if that the case i will let him go. Gd bye my love and i am sorry for what i cause for you. There is no reason for me to be by ur side anymore. I really hope that u will be happy and find ur happiness...

11:26 PM Y